my turn?

I've come to realize that I have an insane jealously towards anyone who gets engaged/married before me. And, this is especially the case if they are younger then me. I mean, I LOVE weddings. So, when will it be my turn?

Sometimes I feel hopeless and obsessive. Anyway, I guess my time will come.

count your many blessings...

... name them one by one.

Additions to my list of little things I'm thankful for:

chick-fil-a sauce
a cold dr.pepper
sewing machines
the excitement of finding money in your pocket
a melted heart from an adorable 3 year old's hug
"ms. ria"
sleeping in
hot chocolate
trips with my dad
relief of fall semester being over
getting the picture you actually wanted
my northface fleece
the game "angry birds"
the legit bass in my honda
my hair getting longer
"ah ha" moments

grrr

When I read Ryan's family emails, I get kind of anxious. And then seeing that this last one he talked about sending his family christmas gifts... is it bad that that makes me mad? Whatever. I still think I have every right to be mad.

In other news, today I went to visit my kiddos at Honeytree. To hear their little voices say, "MS. RIAAAAAA!" melted my heart. I love those kids! As much as they aggravated me, and pushed every last one of my buttons this summer, they still mean the world to me. And, I got to see Kayleigh today! I love my best friend for so many reasons. I love being home. 

My best friend :)

2 up 2 down

Get it? 2 up 2 down = VA? Okay, you still don't get it? Let me show you...

So in five days I'll be in VIRGINIA! I AM SO EXCITED! I miss home so much, my friends, family, dog cat. You name it and I miss it. Anyway, in a few days I get to see this precious face...

Yeah, I know you're scared. You should be. She'll rip you limb from limb. She'll tare your face right off. I promise. Don't let her duster in the mouth cuteness fool you. She's a ferocious attack dog. So hide yo wife, hide yo kids and hide yo husbands cause she's rippin apart errbody.

happiness

I've been having kind of a down day. I guess it's just the whole Ryan situation, so after contemplating what I could do to improve my mood, I decided to make a list of a few of the little things I'm grateful for. It goes as follows:

clean sheets

hair straightener

the clean feeling after a shower

satisfaction of passing a test

snowboarding

home cooked meals

answered prayers

roommates that always make everyday a new adventure

bowling a good game

getting lost in a good book

a chilly fall day

warm leggings

photography

the tingley feeling after washing my face

a night of no homework

good quotes

christmas music

a tan

waking up to fresh snow

a pretty sunset

a good hair day

:)

it's officially over :(

Ryan broke up with me...
for good.

and it really, really, really sucks.

let them flow

There are some days when I just really miss Ryan and all I can do is cry. For some reason crying helps me realize how much he means to me and just how much I love him.

I love you, honey bunches of loveeeee.
And I can't wait for you to come home in 9 months and 18 days.

baby Krew

My cousin, Whitney, had her baby boy a week ago. He is the most precious little newborn I have ever seen in my short 20 years. I had the privilege of taking pictures of him today for my photography final assignment.

To say that I was intimidated would be an understatement. I was terrified. When people see me as a photographer, I feel really weird. I don't like telling people what to do, and especially with a newborn! It's difficult to relax when everyone is standing over you thinking you're a professional. I'm FAR from a professional.

Sometimes I wish I had my own studio. I could have studio lighting, props, etc. I think that would make it a little easier. Anyway, I love baby Krew and his mommy. She is an amazing cousin and an incredible mommy.

Love you Whitney and congratulations.

Precious, huh?!

You'll figure it out!

Sometimes I get sick of people asking me how I feel about Ryan being on a mission. I've been through a whole slew of emotions, and once I'm forced to reflect on them to answer your question, it brings back the same emotions that I've worked so hard to rid myself of.

So, word to the wise. If you know a girl waiting for a missionary, do NOT ask her how she feels about her boyfriend on a mission. Sometimes it hurts too much to talk about it so we'd prefer to just not talk about it.

Please and thank you.

I have a dream...

Last night, I had a dream about Ryan PROPOSING! To say that is was a good dream would simply be an understatement. It was a INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC DREAM!

It's funny because in my dream, I didn't like the ring he proposed with. But, the more I wore it the more I loved it. And then I woke up and thought about how much I love him, and how the ring doesn't even matter! Just being with him for time and all eternity is what matters!

Yay! I just love realizations like this :)

sometimes

I feel lame for not being married.

and it makes it harder knowing that I will be next year. Just hurry up already.

gobble gobble gobble

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I guess Thanksgiving is technically come and gone, but that doesn't mean that we have to stop being thankful for all we have. I'm not going to be like everyone else and name all the things I'm thankful for. Let's face it, we're all thankful for our family and friends.

But, I realized today that this is the last Thanksgiving I have to have without Ryan. The holiday's without him are quickly passing by. Last year, I would have dreaded having another Thanksgiving to experience without him. Now that it's come and gone, I realize how quickly this year has flown by! I only have one Christmas, one New Years, one Valentines Day, and one birthday until my boy is home! YAY, YAY, YAY!

Can you tell I'm excited? ;)

So today, I am thankful for the Lord blessing me with the strength to overcome the obstacles that have been placed in my way. From Ryan leaving, to my OCD, He has been beside me every step of the way. I cannot say that my faith hasn't wavered, or that I have not doubted what I am doing. But, what I can say is that I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and has helped me handle these trials. I know that He has never given me anything that I cannot handle (or obviously I wouldn't be here), and that He will continue to place obstacles in my way that I can overcome. I can look back at all that I have experienced and know that I've done it before and can do it again.

So, Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for blessing me with a boy in my life that has, and always will stick right by my side. Through thick and thin, and throughout all eternity. I will never be able to express my gratitude.

Thanksgiving Break last year in San Diego with my roommate/best friend, Kiersten Oberhansley. 

and it's all downhill from here

14 months today.

10 months to go :) <3

That's all.

... how tough you had it

I'm sorry, but I don't consider it "waiting for your missionary" when you're still in high school. What did you have to sacrifice? You weren't even old enough to get married without your parents consent anyway. I just don't feel bad for girls like that.

In other news, Ryan gets to Skype his family for Christmas. To say that I was slightly jealous would be an understatement. I wish so badly that I could see him, or just hear his voice. Not in a tape, but an actual conversation. To be honest, I cried a little when I read that his family gets to see his precious face. They get to see his perfect smile, and watch his eyes light up as he laughs.

Ugh, I want to see his face light up.

:(

I miss you, baby.

And I wish I could see this smile again.

i got a letter hey, hey, hey, hey!

I walk to the mailbox, put the key into the lock, and open the door. There's no letter.  

That's my usual day, but today...

I walk to the mailbox, put the key into the lock, and open the door. There's a letter. 

and every time I see it, I always whisper "yes!" to myself. 

And when I get to my apartment to read it, I smile the entire time. It feels so good to feel the love he feels for me. I miss it. Terribly. 

And now he wants to help plan our wedding?! SCORE! I'm STOKED!

I LOVE RYAN TYLER JENSEN :)

that is all.

peace and quiet

It's THANKSGIVING BREAK! YESSSSSSSSS.

I never thought I would make it through this week. I thought it was going to be extremely long. Not only because of the Harry Potter premiere last night (which was awesome), but because at 11:15 on Friday morning my Thanksgiving Break would start.

Most people would think that a week in Rexburg while everyone else has gone home would be boring. I think it's going to be extremely relaxing. The apartment all to myself (except for Kate who's here until Tuesday). A clean apartment with NO DISHES (other then my own), NO HOMEWORK, all the TV I WANT, sleep with NO END by an alarm clock. Man, can you tell I'm excited? ;)

And to top it all off, I'm crafting ALL week! I'm ready for fabric, sewing, and painting. Yessssssssssss.

And blogging updated with my new creations :)

stay tuned :)

A smile is worth 1,000 words :)

Some days I just feel extra blessed to have Ryan in my life. I am so grateful for the work he is doing for the Lord in Ecuador. Sure, I miss him more then I've ever missed anyone or anything before. But, I know that he is where he's supposed to be, and so am I.

And sometimes I just LOOK at this smile, and I realize how very blessed I am :)

Don't you just feel the love radiating from that boy? I know I sure do :)

Xs and Os honey bunches of loveeeeeee! 

Merry Christmas!

Okay, so I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet! But, tonight as I sat in my room in a very upset and angry mood, I turned on my Christmas music. And let me tell you, NOTHING cures a bad mood like Christmas music (especially N*Sync Christmas music).

I've been thinking of what Christmas brings and to me, Christmas represents family. In 3 weeks, I get to fly home and spend time with my family for a solid two weeks. And oh, how excited I am for that. I miss my mom, dad, dog, and cat. I miss my friends, and my kiddos at work. I really miss the kids at work. I can't wait to visit them and hear them scream "MS. ARIAA!!!!" and come give me hugs and kisses. I am so excited.

Anyway, for all you having a bad day, put on some Christmas music. I KNOW that it will brighten your mood! (And I should probably remember this, too.)

service of our fellow man

You know that awesome feeling you get when you serve someone else? It's the selfless act of love you perform for another without even questioning it.

Tonight I got to be the shoulder someone cried on. I hugged her while she sobbed. I got to listen to her sorrows and concerns. I experienced the sad look in her eyes. I watched as she would crack a smile, and then a little giggle. I was humbled by her faith in the atonement.

I got to feel just a small amount of love from our Savior that He sent through me to her. And boy, just that small amount of love was really humbling.

I am so grateful that the Lord sent me to comfort a friend. I think she did me more good then I could have ever done for her. I am thankful for the undying love that the Savior has for us. I know that His atonement can save us from pain. I know that He has experienced all that we will ever experience and will carry us when we need His strength the most.

Keep your head high, Em. I love you, and I know the Lord will bless you.

and around, and around, and around...

p.s. free entertainment is the best form of entertainment there is. Especially for college students.

letters

There is just something about getting a love letter from Ryan that makes me melt into a million pieces. He always says the cutest things, and I realize why I love him so much :) For example, "I can't wait until I can introduce you as my wife."

or, "All I wanted was for you to curl up in my arms so I could hold you and tell you how much I love you."

That boy sure has a way with words, huh? And guess what ladies, he's ALL mine!

BE JEALOUS!

remember that one time...

I LOVE reminiscing! It's so fun to think back on the past, and all the good times that we've experienced. Even the bad can be good to ponder on. You can see how much you've grown and progressed. Three hours of reminiscing tonight was so super fun. I love friends that bring back great memories. Hopefully we can keep them coming!

Photography or not, here I come.

I've decided to change my major... again. This has been a long time in the making, but I feel that it is the right choice. I am changing from an elementary education major to a photography major. What a jump.

I'm taking an education class. History of Education, to be exact. I went into this semester thinking that I was truly going to enjoy this class, and all the new insight it would bring. But, as the semester has progressed, the more I've realized that I'm not meant to be a teacher.

For example, the other day my teacher was telling us a story of the Cleveland inner-city school system. The situation goes as follows: The students of the inner-city schools were given vouchers to attend the public schools in the suburban areas.

The parents of these suburban students were extremely upset by this. For one, these parents were playing high taxes so their children could receive an excellent education. With these students moving in, the probability of their children receiving one on one time with their teachers would be greatly diminished. Secondly, the parents were paying high taxes that the new students parents would not be having pay. And finally, the parents feared that the inner city school children would bring their inner city problems into the suburbs.

Now, as I sat in class I watched my other classmates shake their heads in disgust. My teacher then expressed to us how she felt about the situation explaining that, as teachers, we should be doing all that we can to ensure that our students are leaving our classrooms with confidence knowing that I have instilled in them the best education that they can receive.

And then it dawned on me... I agreed with the parents. To put it bluntly, I wouldn't want my children being thrown into inner city problems.

When I'm bored, I don't look up teaching information online. I dread teaching in my classes when I have to present.

I HATE TEACHING!

Then I realized how often I am on photography blogs, and wedding websites. I am obsessed with weddings, and pictures of wedding. I always have a camera in my hands when I leave my apartment. I'm taking a exploring photography class on campus. For the last three semesters, I've had photography callings.

I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY!

I want to be a wedding photographer! My two passions rolled into one! How could it get more perfect! I know that I am no where near a professional photographer, but it's what I love. It's a talent I want to continue to develop. And, by becoming a photographer I can stay at home and raise my children. I can have a studio in my house. I can do both the things that mean the most to me. And I am so confident in my decision.

Just a few of my best pictures :)

'

oh CONFERENCE!

So, who doesn't love a GREAT conference weekend?! I know I sure do, but aren't ALL conference's INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC?!

General Conference is always full of inspiring and uplifting messages, and they're always at the time when we need to hear them the most. I've always been told to go into conference with a question that I seek the answer for. Never had I tried this whole heartedly. I often would just think of something moments before conference I was seeking an answer for, but I had never prayed to receive one. Well, all that changed this conference.

On Friday night I prayed that I would receive guidance of what would help me most at this time handling my OCD. Saturday morning as I sat down to watch conference, I was filled with the Spirit. How can the words of the Lord sent down through his apostles and prophets not fill you with the Spirit? I listened intently to the words that were spoken. And then it happened, the one talk that will stand out to me for mostly likely the rest of my life.

It was given by President Uchtdorf. (Such a cutie!) He often speaks of flying, which is most familiar to him. He was speaking of turbulence when flying. Often to the student pilot, the first reaction to turbulence is to speed up to escape it as quickly as possible. However, to the experienced pilot, they quickly know that slowing down will easy the turbulence experienced.

He then transitioned to an analogy of speed bumps. When we slow down as we pass over them, the bump we feel is often very insignificant. THEN my FAVORITE quote of conference. (Not a direct quote because I forgot some of the words..)

Slow down and study the essentials.


My "AH-HA!" moment then occurred. I need to slow down and focus on the here and now. I am so focused on planning my future, and how I'm going to react when Ryan gets home, are we going to work out, is this meant to be?

I have forgotten that I CANNOT plan my future. I need to focus on what is directly in front of me. My school work is of most importance right now. Also, I need to focus on becoming more spiritually in-tune.

Starting yesterday, I am no longer trying to plan my future. As long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and focusing on the Lord, it will all fall into place. Sure, this does not mean that I do not have a  preference as to what I would like to happen. I will always have that preference. But knowing that the Lord knows me better then I know myself is more important then what I want for myself.

Of course I am still going to write Ryan, and be his friend! He is my best friend, and I love him more then anything. But, I am going to take it slowly and hope for the best.

I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that he listens to my every prayer, and wants so badly to take away my pain and suffering. I know that he is looking out for me, and that if I am doing as I should, he will bless me. He may even bless me with what I want most. I love this gospel, and the peace it brings. I know the church is true, and that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ.

I just need to remember these things.

I love these men!

NERD!

So, remember the days when you used to think glasses were nerdy? When glasses were huge, round, and very unflattering to everyone that wore them.

Now, remember the days when you reached the age when you thought glasses were sexy? Huh, huh?! You know you do!

Well, I always seemed to be the girl that thought glasses were really attractive. Not necessarily on me, but on boy... mmmmmm :) But, I do remember when I lied to my eye doctor at about the age of 15 telling him that I was having trouble reading. Why you might ask? To get sexy glasses, of course.

Well, I am sad to say that I think they day has arrived that I actually NEED my glasses to read.

Tonight I was reading in one of my textbooks and realized that I was having trouble focusing with my right eye. If I closed my right eye, my left would focus perfectly. If I closed my left eye, my right was slightly blurry. I was getting quite annoyed, and soon went to my room and grabbed my glasses. And wouldn't you know it, the blurriness STOPPED! (go figure)

So now as I sit here on my computer, I reluctantly wear my glasses. Not because I think they're sexy, but because I don't like only having one eye focused. I feel so lame. Maybe if I wouldn't have lied all those years ago, the Lord would have blessed me with perfect sight a little longer. This just goes to show that lying only leads to problems in the future! ;)

I guess I've learned my lesson.

p.s. I'm going to the temple tomorrow to do baptisms! I'm so excited!

p.p.s. This weekend in general conference, YAY!

p.p.p.s. Ryan thinks my glasses are sexy ;)

shut the BEEP up

When you go to the library, one might expect to study in silence while absorbing useless bits of information. Well, not at the BYU-Idaho library. 

I go to the library to escape the noise of my apartment where thin walls allow me to hear everyone's conversations. Frustration usually set in quickly, which usually leads me to facebook stalking random people. 

Today, while trying to read a chapter in my World Civilization since 1500 textbook, I was rudely interrupted from my studies from two obnoxious girls sitting behind me. (Mind you I had my headphones in and could still hear their useless tangents of boys and drama). Quite a few times, I had to restrain myself from rude comments. 

Now that I have finished my rant, I would like to make a point very clear. 

THE LIBRARY IS FOR STUDYING. NOT FOR SOCIALIZATION! 

stay tuned.

keep on trudgin'

I received the best advice from my mom tonight.

Just live life.

Such a simple statement, but a statement that made a lasting impact. I'm always so concerned with trying to plan my life so that it goes the way I want it to go. I'm scared of letting things fall into place. No, this does not free me from my anxiety and fear of the unknown. I wish it did, but I know myself all to well.

But starting today, I'm going to try to let things go. Planning ahead of time does nothing for me but cause stress and pressure. And why put that on myself? I have a year to let things fall into place. If they fall into place the way I hope they do, then that would be the best possible situation. If they don't, I know the Lord has a better plan for me.

As much as I sometimes hate to admit it, the Lord knows me better then I know myself. Hard to imagine, but true. So, I'm letting my Heavenly Father take the wheel. I'm going to stay on the strait and narrow, do what I'm supposed to, and know that as long as I'm doing my best, the best is yet to come.

The best is yet to come.

panicy

Last night was a bad night.

4:00 am + anxiety = panic attack.

It was definitely the worst panic attack I've had so far. Hyperventilating, crying, shaking. All I could do was stare. No words came out of my mouth as my mom had to calm me down. I stared, wide-eyed. The kind of sad, wide-eyed stare that Puss n Boots gives in Shrek. My mom just talked to me, about anything. I could barely muster shaking my head yes or no. I've never been so scared in all my life.

This OCD. This disorder has slowly, but surely taken over my life. I've become lost in my own thoughts, and I can't seem to come out of it. And the worst part? Knowing that the only thing that could fix my anxiety was the one thing that had started the whole thing.

I want Ryan.
Simple as that.

Denver, ColorAHdo

Long time, no post. Sorry for not keeping up with my blog recently. Anyway, as you know, my best friend just got married a few weeks ago. But, that was just a fraction of my trip to the beautiful city of Denver. 

When I landed in Denver, Lindsay picked me up at the airport. It was so good to see her again! We grabbed my bag, and off we were to the Rockies game. Sadly, they lost to the Pirates, BUT it was my first major league game of anything! And how lucky was I to catch the Cracker Jacks they throw out during the seventh inning stretch! (Well, I more like snatched them out of another mans hand, but I still won.) 

The next day we did some shopping, and Lindsay altered her bridesmaid dress from a size 14 to a 6. (Yes, she is incredible.) We also made Megan a veil to wear that night on her bachelorette party to Hard Rock. 

 

Megan's wedding was on Thursday. It was so beautiful to be able to be apart of something so sacred and eternal. Seeing how happy Megan was was such an inspiring experience. 

Later that night, Lindsay, Logan and I went to Jump Street. My new favorite activity for sure. Basically, Jump Street was a warehouse full of trampolines. I tried my first backflip since I broke my shoulder when I was 13. I landed on my knees a few times, but I finally started landing on my feet!

Friday we went to the Elich Gardens. It was an amusement park in downtown Denver. To quote Lindsay when we were looking for a parking spot, "Yep, some of Denver's finest...." The first roller coaster we rode gave us a headache, and it stayed with us the entire day. Lets just say that every ride we went on gave us TERRIBLE pains that would shoot through our heads. Even the simplest of rides made us want them to stop as soon as they started. The only thing we could associate it with was Jump Street the night before, but we have no idea. 

Saturday, Lindsay's parents woke us up at the crack of dawn to go to the lake. I even skied for a few seconds!

Favorite quote of the trip from Lindsay's dad, "Maria, is that your phone ringing? I think the lake is calling..." 

Anyway, I had an awesome time in Colorado. I can't wait to go back, and I'm so thankful to the Smith family for making it such an awesome experience!

those days

Do you ever have those days when you are just down on yourself? Those days when you feel like you are a bad person, and that nothing will ever work out in your favor?

Well, today was one of those days. It always seems to creep up on Sunday. Maybe because I am in a spiritual mood, or maybe because I'm just thinking too much. Today has been filled with sorrow and discouragement. I cannot stop looking back on past sin, and realizing how stupid it was of me, as if I can't move on. What a heavy burden to carry.

As I was sitting, pondering, I remembered a youtube video that was shared with me during my Scripture Study class this past Winter semester. A simple talk shared with BYU students in 1996. It gave me hope, and on a day like today, it encouraged me to think positively.

I am a good person. I do good things. I am not perfect. I work hard. I study hard. I live the gospel. I attend church regularly. I magnify my callings. I read the scriptures. I serve others. I follow the commandments. I attend the temple. I listen to good music. I share my testimony.

These are just simple things that I have pondered on, but they are simple thoughts of encouragement. These are simple things that are going well in my life that the Lord has blessed me with. Putting faith in the Lord begins today. And nothing will hold me back.



"Faith is like spiritual oxygen. As we allow faith to freely flow within us, it awakens and enlivens our spiritual senses. It breathes life into our very souls." - David S. Baxter

for time and all eternity

It's 13 days until my best friend, Megan Aulick, marries her prince charming! I am so excited for

her, and am so glad that she is so incredibly happy!

We met my second semester of school, and weren't that close at first. My roommate, Lindsay (my other best friend), and Megan were best friends. The second year of school rolled around, and Megan and I are now inseparable!

She is my best friend, and I confide in her with more then almost anyone else. She's the comfort when I need it, and she's always there to tell me everything will work out. I miss our snowboarding fridays, and shredding on our "shreders." The many friday nights we s

pent together after snowboarding just laying on the couch because we were too tired to move. Remember when we got stuck in Provo for conference weekend because LindsayBug's car, Francis, went on the fritz? Oh when we had to ride the shuttle back to make it to classes on tuesday, although we'd already missed mondays classes? Or, the one time when we were walking back from an activity on campus and you tripped on sidewalk and almost face planted?

It's easy to become sad that she is getting married, knowing that she's going to be living in Omaha. We're not going to get to see each other as often as we'd like, but I know we'll still be the closest of friends. Knowing that one day, I'll find the same happiness that she shares with Matt gives me hope for the future.

I love you, Megan Aulick (Anderson)! :)

:)

As silly as this picture is, it reminds me of how HAPPY I am with Ryan.

I miss this, but I get it for eternity :) All these silly moments, and I hope I can capture more of them on film.

today, i was inspired

I know that I'm a complainer. Sometimes I just think it's my nature. I complain about everything from school, to work, my ocd, the dog. Everything. But recently, it's been my ocd.

I always have a woe is me attitude. I always seem to want everyone to feel bad for me. To understand how hard it is to suffer with ocd. I have been inspired by Stephanie. I stumbled unto her blog today (how I got there, I can't tell you.) But her outlook on life is so positive, and inspiring. I can only strive to have such an amazing since of self, and the Savior.

Watch her story here. I know you won't be disappointed.

Stephanie's Story

blackberry

So, a few weeks ago I had gotten bored at church and decided to take apart my phone. I wanted to clean out behind the keys and the track ball. They were disgusting.

In the process of doing this, I broke the ring that hold the track ball in place. I was frustrated because it would randomly fall out, and I'd have to get it JUST RIGHT to put it back onto my phone.

Yesterday, I was very frustrated with Hunter and got out of the car very angrily. Upon doing this, the track ball, and ring fell out. I found the ring, but couldn't find the track ball. I have strep throat and really didn't have the energy to stay outside and look for it.

So, this afternoon I had to trow something away outside. I figured that since I was already down there, I would go ahead and look for the track ball. I just told myself that I could find it, and the Lord would help me. Within 30 seconds, I had the track ball in hand :)

Although I get a new phone on Friday (DROID INCREDIBLE :):):)) I still would like to use to my phone. It's funny how recently I've been so focused on being depressed and fighting my OCD, I have forgotten to let the Lord guide me. A little faith can go a long way.

Always remember that :)

approaching nine months

It gets closer and closer to Ryan coming home. Okay, so maybe he's almost been gone for only nine months... but it's nine months closer to when he comes home!

This ride has been full of ups and downs since he left. Definitely filled with frustration, aggravation, stress, and many more negative emotions. But, when he broke up with me, I realized how much I truly love him. I've come to realize that living without him is not an option. My eternity will not be complete without him. Sometimes I wonder if my love for him is real. What if this isn't supposed to be? I've realized that love isn't just about feeling that incredible urge to just want to be with him. It's not about melting into his arms the moment he hugs me. It's about growing together. We've both grown so much in the past nine months. More then I ever imagined that I would grow. I knew that he would grow in more ways then I could count, but not me. Now I realize that all the trials I've faced have made me stronger. They have made me more aware of all that I'm looking for.

I look back on last summer, and the undying happiness that I constantly felt. I've missed that so greatly. And what do you think is the one thing that has been missing? Ryan Tyler Jensen.

It's incredible how one person can walk into your life, and your eternity will never be the same. He is my best friend. He treats me like a princess. He loves me for all my many faults. He thinks it's cute when I scrunch my nose. He loves my accent. He thinks I'm the most polite girl in the world. He is perfect, and nothing will ever change that.

I am in love with RYAN TYLER JENSEN! It feels so good to say that. I can't wait for you to come home, honey.

But for now, here are some pictures to reminisce :)

the brat - aka smudge

So, I had to share a picture of this adorable little brat



She is the master of getting into trouble. She bites harder then she realizes. She rips apart paper, and the stairs. She growls when you try to pick her up. She leans on you when she sleeps, and takes up the whole bed. She runs across the street to see her sister, Daisy. She hates when you pretend your hand is a snake and make a "hiss"ing sound. She always wants her belly rubbed. She pees everywhere. She thinks any stuffed animal belongs to her. She doesn't share well. Paint rollers are her favorite toy. She snaps at you when you try to take away her food or bone.

And yet, I love all her little annoyances. She is the cutest, meanest, sweetest puppy in the whole wide world.

And I can't resist her face.

see you in two years!

And he's off! Off to serve the Lord for two years in the San Diego Spanish Speaking mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

ELDER GARY CLIPP!


Elder Clipp,

I will always remember the good times we had together. Our many conversations while Jordan, Hunter, and Griffin freeborded. Our trip to Kings Dominion where we raced the Honda gang, and rode practically every ride together. Don't forget the many pranks we played on people, and the time we almost got arrested.(I know I'll never forget that one.) The intense ping pong wars I watched y'all play while I sat on my phone texting. The "INTENSE" fireworks we set off at your house last fourth of July because Hunter didn't want to go watch them downtown. Our many Rockband nights on the biggest tv I've ever seen in my life. Oh the memories I have with you, Gary.

I know you'll be an incredible missionary. You have such a strong testimony, and love for the gospel. You will bring many souls unto the gospel, and will bless many lives. Always remember that the Lord loves you, and will always watch over you. You are an incredible person, and I know this will carry you through out your life.

I LOVE YOU!

one year older - and wiser too

Woah! I am now officially twenty! Where did the years go by?! I remember when I turned ten and couldn't wait until I could drive.



Now I'm twenty. In a year, I can buy alcohol (not that that matters). I have two years of college under my belt, and in the fall I'll be a junior! My junior year of high school, I got my license! It's funny how time flies. If I would have known time would move so quickly, I would have been more outgoing. Before I know it, I'll be a mom (which I can't wait for, by the way).

Anyway, I got some interesting gifts. To start off, my big gift was a longboard. I tried longboarding this past Thanksgiving in California. I loved it, and wasn't as fearful as I first thought I'd be. I love it. It's the cutest Sector 9 longboard! A gorgeous ocean scene on the top and bottom. Oh, how I love it. At my party last night (which was with the missionaries), I got a piggy bank, three $20.00 gift cards to Target, and yellow cooking supplies!



Now, the piggy bank. My mom said it was for all the change laying around my room. That doesn't make sense to me considering I don't ever carry cash. I only use my debt, which has seemed to get me into trouble, but I still don't understand the piggy bank. The gift cards were sent from above! I LOVE Target! It is, by far, my favorite store in the world! It way better then Walmart, for all you Walmart lovers. And the cooking supplies are awesome! I love buying anything kitchen related. It's funny how, the older you grow, the more you long for practical gifts!



And lastly, the cake. My grandmothers FAMOUS strawberry cake! Okay, maybe it's not famous, but it sure is in my family! Hunter and I LOVE it! Hunter was lame, so he blew out his candles the second they were lit. I, on the other hand, am a birthday junkie and waited for the song. I then made a wish, that of which I'll keep a secret, but I didn't mange to blow out my candles in one breath. I hope that doesn't hinder my wish! Anyway, I had a wonderful birthday. Thanks to all those that made it great!

long time - no blessings?

Okay, so maybe that's not true. I've been blessed with more things then I can count. I've just been too lazy to blog.

I've been blessed with a wonderful week off from work where I was able to bask in the sun, while laying on the sand. How wonderful are vacations with your family, and friends.

Okay, so now I'm going to fill you in on my day at work. So to start off, working at Honeytree Early Learning Center is not as easy as it sounds. You try chasing the worst three year olds around all day. Did I mention that it's 16 three year olds? I leave most days with a headache, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I have a favorite child. Her name is Megan and I think she is the cutest little girl to have ever walked the earth. She has beautiful long blonde hair, and has the attitude of a high school girl. Today, she gave me the cutest little attitude I've ever seen. The story goes as follows:

Megan: MS. RIAAAAAA! Erin called me a bad boy! (as she struts over to me and throws her hand on her hip)
Me: Erin, Megan is not a bad boy. She's not even a boy. You need to stop telling people that.
Megan: (struts back over to Erin, and throws her hand back on her hip) I'm not a bad boy, Erin! You're a bad girl!

Oh the joy of three year olds! I leave every day with a new appreciation for their little personalities. Don't get me wrong. Some days I wish I could kill them all. But then I wouldn't get hugs, and kisses everyday!

day two

i have been blessed with time off from work to go on a family vacation to the beach. a much needed break from my ocd.

it's only the beginning

today, i vow to find the many blessings that i receive each day. it can only improve my happiness, right?

i have been blessed with the fullness of the true gospel in my life. i have been blessed with a testimony, although it wavers, i can always turn to in times of trouble.