i'm really bad a blogging

i've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. as in, i've been thinking a lot about how i haven't posted anything in forever. i've been spending my life doing important things, you know....

pinterest
facebook
eating
watching tv

you know, the essentials.

but, there is so much to catch up on. the most recent news in my life? well, i found out about two weeks ago that i will be graduating in april. i've been planning on july, so april was a bit of a shock. let's just say, i had a small (large) mental breakdown. there was crying and hyperventilating and lots of anger.

you see, most would be excited by this news. i, on the other hand, was not. i realized that once i graduate, i have to start being a big girl. i'll have to get a real job and pay real bills. i'll have to live on my own and meet new friends. (so pretty much half of those things i've been doing the past two years, but still) i'm not gonna lie. i'm scared. like curl up in a ball, cry and squeeze my teddy bear while laying in my bed scared. and i think there is one big factor that scares me the most.

i'm not married.

okay, so i know. i'm only 22. i get it. but being mormon, that is a big deal. i had to come to major terms with this.

but i'm excited now and i'm ready. i'm ready to move on with my life and i'm excited to find out what the future holds. bring it on, world.

bring.
it.
on.

I want to ride my bicycle

i want to ride my bike.
today Hunter, John and I went on a bike ride. It was fun.

7 weeks of bliss

Well, first and foremost, I am terribly sorry for not keeping up with this thing. Life got in the way. But as of late...

I'm going home for the 7 week break. I have officially decided. I need a break from this place called Idaho. I love going to school here, but I don't like being in this environment all the time.

I mean, it's not the most logical choice to go home for seven weeks. I won't have a job and I'll just be hanging out, but I need it and I'm okay with it.

Also, my best friend/former roommates/twin stopped by last night for my birthday. I turned 22 two weeks back and she was out of town. Last night she brought me cookies and a sweet card. I love her. Also, she went through the temple for the first time my birthday weekend! That lucky dog! She's an endowed lady! So cool!! She's also going on a mission to Hungary! She's a pretty cool best friend if you ask me!

I love you, Kierst!

let's get crunkkkkkkk!

Happy new year, blog followers.

You know, I'm not one to make new years resolutions. They always seem to be broken fairly quickly. And let's face it, we're all human and none of us are perfect.

But, here I am making them anyway. I guess mine aren't really resolutions, but more like goals. I'm trying to make them attainable, you know, so that I can actually attain them.

1. Try to be less upfront with people. They don't need to see my entire personality in the first 2 minutes they meet me.
2. Take my schooling seriously. As in, no play until homework is done.
3. Stop judging people. They don't deserve me.
4. Learn to budget my money and do it successfully for at least one month.
5. Hopefully get married, or at least be in a serious relationship. (Cause I mean, we all deserve that.)

So anyway, those are my goals. I think they are attainable for the most part. I don't really have all that much control over getting married, but I'll do the best I can.

Happy New Year, y'all. Get crunk..... off non-alcoholic things. Be safe!

no fetchin' way

Okay, so I'm going to vent here for a minute.

I am extremely sick of seeing these 19 year old girls getting married. Granted, you could say that I'm just jealous, and to some extent I am. But I also have a hard time believing that they have dated enough to know who they want to marry.

I feel like I am the MASTER of first/second dates. It never goes past the second. I feel like I am just too honest for the boys at BYUI. I am not going to become the sheltered, quite housewife that they are looking for. I am out spoken, loud, sometimes crude, energetic and very honest. But I am also very loving, respectful, compassionate, strong faithfully, talented, and possibly the most 'would do anything for you' girlfriend they would ever have. And I never get the chance to prove it.

I hate when people tell me that I'm "just not ready" to get married. Excuse me while I take offense to your comment, but thank you for telling me that I am not mature enough to get married. I know that I may not be the most mature 21 year old female you will ever meet, but I know that I have lived my whole life to get married. I want an eternal family. I want a husband to spoil, cry to, cuddle with, and love with all my heart.

Being 21 at a church school isn't easy. If you're not married people start assuming that there must be something wrong. I hate being asked if I'm going to go on a mission as well. NO, just because I am 21 and not married does NOT mean that I am going on a mission. A mission is not for me.

I have a very good reason for not going on a mission and I have a very good reason for not being married. Neither of which are really any of anyone's concern, but I openly share why. For one, I have OCD. Going on a mission with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is extremely hard. A mission is already extremely difficult and to openly put stress on myself that could cause possible panic attacks is not something that I want to do. Secondly, no one should go on a mission just because they aren't married, or because they feel obligated. You must WANT it for yourself and for the Lord. Why am I not married seems to be a common question as well, as to which I wish to response "Well it's really none of your business and let me guess, you got married at 18 and had a kid by 19." But in all honesty, I spent two years of my life waiting patiently for a boy on a mission. It was supposed to work, everything said it would. And it didn't. I didn't date for two years because I was fearful of falling in love with someone else and having to break my missionary's heart. (Now that I look back on it, I wish I wasn't so worried about that. He didn't seem to be when it came to breaking mine.)

In all honesty, I want a boyfriend. I want someone to love me and for me to love them back. I don't only want it, but I need it. I need it for my own sanity.

I'm sorry if you read this whole post. I use my blog as a journal, so it tends to get somewhat personal. But if you did read this, I hope you realize the pressure that LDS young adult women go through. It isn't easy, so next time you ask a girl why she isn't married, maybe you should think about what has been going on in her life. I'm sick of being judged.

day 13 - streamers

It's my roommates birthday tomorrow. We decorated the apartment after she went to sleep so this is what she'll wake up to in the morning. 

Happy 22nd Kristyna! We love you!

day 12 - dirty feet

Took pictures in the potato fields today. I got a little dirty, but I didn't mind. At least there isn't any snow yet.