panicy

Last night was a bad night.

4:00 am + anxiety = panic attack.

It was definitely the worst panic attack I've had so far. Hyperventilating, crying, shaking. All I could do was stare. No words came out of my mouth as my mom had to calm me down. I stared, wide-eyed. The kind of sad, wide-eyed stare that Puss n Boots gives in Shrek. My mom just talked to me, about anything. I could barely muster shaking my head yes or no. I've never been so scared in all my life.

This OCD. This disorder has slowly, but surely taken over my life. I've become lost in my own thoughts, and I can't seem to come out of it. And the worst part? Knowing that the only thing that could fix my anxiety was the one thing that had started the whole thing.

I want Ryan.
Simple as that.