Thursday, June 2, 2011

wishin and hopin

Today is a day I wish I didn't have OCD. I wonder what my life would be like without it. Would I worry so much about the things I can't control? Would I want to cry all the time for fear of the unknown?

I know that we all experience fear and anxiety, but unless you have OCD, I don't expect you to understand. Just imagine fear that controls you daily. Imagine wanting to sleep all day just so you can escape the worry you know awaits you when you wake. It's hard, really hard.

I know that I accepted this challenge in Heaven. Why I would ever accept the challenge to deal with OCD every day of my life is beyond me, but I said I was willing to bear the burden.

I have to fight. I have to fight everyday my thoughts and feelings. It's hard, but I know I can overcome this. My Heavenly Father is watching out for me. I know he carries me when I can't walk myself.

I'm trying so, so hard. I just hope I can do this. I hope that my fears aren't my reality.

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