i'm really bad a blogging

i've been thinking about this blog a lot recently. as in, i've been thinking a lot about how i haven't posted anything in forever. i've been spending my life doing important things, you know....

pinterest
facebook
eating
watching tv

you know, the essentials.

but, there is so much to catch up on. the most recent news in my life? well, i found out about two weeks ago that i will be graduating in april. i've been planning on july, so april was a bit of a shock. let's just say, i had a small (large) mental breakdown. there was crying and hyperventilating and lots of anger.

you see, most would be excited by this news. i, on the other hand, was not. i realized that once i graduate, i have to start being a big girl. i'll have to get a real job and pay real bills. i'll have to live on my own and meet new friends. (so pretty much half of those things i've been doing the past two years, but still) i'm not gonna lie. i'm scared. like curl up in a ball, cry and squeeze my teddy bear while laying in my bed scared. and i think there is one big factor that scares me the most.

i'm not married.

okay, so i know. i'm only 22. i get it. but being mormon, that is a big deal. i had to come to major terms with this.

but i'm excited now and i'm ready. i'm ready to move on with my life and i'm excited to find out what the future holds. bring it on, world.

bring.
it.
on.

I want to ride my bicycle

i want to ride my bike.
today Hunter, John and I went on a bike ride. It was fun.

7 weeks of bliss

Well, first and foremost, I am terribly sorry for not keeping up with this thing. Life got in the way. But as of late...

I'm going home for the 7 week break. I have officially decided. I need a break from this place called Idaho. I love going to school here, but I don't like being in this environment all the time.

I mean, it's not the most logical choice to go home for seven weeks. I won't have a job and I'll just be hanging out, but I need it and I'm okay with it.

Also, my best friend/former roommates/twin stopped by last night for my birthday. I turned 22 two weeks back and she was out of town. Last night she brought me cookies and a sweet card. I love her. Also, she went through the temple for the first time my birthday weekend! That lucky dog! She's an endowed lady! So cool!! She's also going on a mission to Hungary! She's a pretty cool best friend if you ask me!

I love you, Kierst!

let's get crunkkkkkkk!

Happy new year, blog followers.

You know, I'm not one to make new years resolutions. They always seem to be broken fairly quickly. And let's face it, we're all human and none of us are perfect.

But, here I am making them anyway. I guess mine aren't really resolutions, but more like goals. I'm trying to make them attainable, you know, so that I can actually attain them.

1. Try to be less upfront with people. They don't need to see my entire personality in the first 2 minutes they meet me.
2. Take my schooling seriously. As in, no play until homework is done.
3. Stop judging people. They don't deserve me.
4. Learn to budget my money and do it successfully for at least one month.
5. Hopefully get married, or at least be in a serious relationship. (Cause I mean, we all deserve that.)

So anyway, those are my goals. I think they are attainable for the most part. I don't really have all that much control over getting married, but I'll do the best I can.

Happy New Year, y'all. Get crunk..... off non-alcoholic things. Be safe!

no fetchin' way

Okay, so I'm going to vent here for a minute.

I am extremely sick of seeing these 19 year old girls getting married. Granted, you could say that I'm just jealous, and to some extent I am. But I also have a hard time believing that they have dated enough to know who they want to marry.

I feel like I am the MASTER of first/second dates. It never goes past the second. I feel like I am just too honest for the boys at BYUI. I am not going to become the sheltered, quite housewife that they are looking for. I am out spoken, loud, sometimes crude, energetic and very honest. But I am also very loving, respectful, compassionate, strong faithfully, talented, and possibly the most 'would do anything for you' girlfriend they would ever have. And I never get the chance to prove it.

I hate when people tell me that I'm "just not ready" to get married. Excuse me while I take offense to your comment, but thank you for telling me that I am not mature enough to get married. I know that I may not be the most mature 21 year old female you will ever meet, but I know that I have lived my whole life to get married. I want an eternal family. I want a husband to spoil, cry to, cuddle with, and love with all my heart.

Being 21 at a church school isn't easy. If you're not married people start assuming that there must be something wrong. I hate being asked if I'm going to go on a mission as well. NO, just because I am 21 and not married does NOT mean that I am going on a mission. A mission is not for me.

I have a very good reason for not going on a mission and I have a very good reason for not being married. Neither of which are really any of anyone's concern, but I openly share why. For one, I have OCD. Going on a mission with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is extremely hard. A mission is already extremely difficult and to openly put stress on myself that could cause possible panic attacks is not something that I want to do. Secondly, no one should go on a mission just because they aren't married, or because they feel obligated. You must WANT it for yourself and for the Lord. Why am I not married seems to be a common question as well, as to which I wish to response "Well it's really none of your business and let me guess, you got married at 18 and had a kid by 19." But in all honesty, I spent two years of my life waiting patiently for a boy on a mission. It was supposed to work, everything said it would. And it didn't. I didn't date for two years because I was fearful of falling in love with someone else and having to break my missionary's heart. (Now that I look back on it, I wish I wasn't so worried about that. He didn't seem to be when it came to breaking mine.)

In all honesty, I want a boyfriend. I want someone to love me and for me to love them back. I don't only want it, but I need it. I need it for my own sanity.

I'm sorry if you read this whole post. I use my blog as a journal, so it tends to get somewhat personal. But if you did read this, I hope you realize the pressure that LDS young adult women go through. It isn't easy, so next time you ask a girl why she isn't married, maybe you should think about what has been going on in her life. I'm sick of being judged.

day 13 - streamers

It's my roommates birthday tomorrow. We decorated the apartment after she went to sleep so this is what she'll wake up to in the morning. 

Happy 22nd Kristyna! We love you!

day 12 - dirty feet

Took pictures in the potato fields today. I got a little dirty, but I didn't mind. At least there isn't any snow yet.

day 11 - blur

I took pictures of Hunter today for my big print assignment. This is the clearest one I got. I am seriously going to throw my camera out the window and laugh as it smashes against the pavement. It's like the dang thing can't focus. I don't know what I'm gonna do now :(

day 10 - stripes

 

I wore my new skirt to church today. It's a maxi skirt and it's stripped. It is beautiful and possibly the most comfortable skirt I have ever worn.

day 8 - teddy

I took a nap today. It was a nice long nap on my nice comfy bed. And then I woke up to this staring back at me. Yes, I still sleep with my teddy bear and I love him very much. By the way, his name is Teddy. 

day 7 - mashed

Happy Thanksgiving! I love mashed potatoes. Like, I'm talking "lick them off the plate" like them. If I had to pick a last meal in jail it would definitely be chicken and mashed potatoes - homemade of course.

day 6 - orange dream machine

I love Jamba Juice. We don't have it back in Virginia, but I always feel better when I have my smoothie. I wish I could be home for Thanksgiving, so all you kids that are better not be taking it for advantage.

day 5 - flannel

Tonight I made an infinity scarf. Basically, it's a circle of fabric. It's beautiful and I love it.

p.s. Shout out to Brother Clark!

day 4 - denny hamlin

Boys and their toys. They could play PS2 Nascar nonstop for days. I quickly remembered why I don't hang out at my brother's apartment very often.

day 3 - toasty toes

I love lazy Sunday's. Yoga pants, painted toes, and warm feetzies in front of the heater. Bring on the AMAs!

day 2 - the millennium

Somehow I got suckered into giving the lesson tomorrow in Relief Society. The Millennium has been consuming my day, but I've actually really enjoyed it. Maybe a teaching calling would be nice?

day 1 - spin

friday = laundry day. I think this morning was the first time in weeks where I didn't have to wait for a washer or dryer. I can't wait to have my own laundry room in my own house!

13 days

For the next 13 days, I will be documenting my life through photographs on this blog.

Why? It's a photography assignment, and I'm really excited about it. They don't need to be artsy. They can even have an emotional attachment to me that doesn't mean anything to anyone else. I get to show my life through photos, and I couldn't be more excited. 

Bring it on.

Robert Fenton, Clarence White, and Edward Steichen

I'm studying, History of Photography to be exact. I have a big test in class tomorrow. I didn't do so hot on the last one... whoops. (I could be studying harder)

I'm so aggravated with life. It's just been one of those days, you know? And it was triggered by facebook.

Sometimes I feel like all the media today is slowly killing my generation. I mean, we can't go a day without checking our facebook, updating our tweets, reading celebrity gossip or blogging. (yes, I said blogging) We use all of our social networking websites to define us. We're "friends" with hundreds of people, half of which are only to stalk them later. There is actually an increase in anxiety and depression in today's teens and young adults. And it's been proven to all relate back to social networking.

How often have I thought, "Oh my gosh, he didn't text me within two minutes. What does that mean?!" or the occasional, "Is her status directed toward me?" It's ridicules how much this stupid thing, this computer, controls our lives.

A few weeks ago in sacrament meeting, my Bishop gave a little lesson. He asked us to tune out the screens. How often do we sit in church and check facebook, or pintrest? We really can't go three hours without being updated on everyone's life? We have a fascination with informing everyone on our every waking moment, as if being "cool" on facebook is what really matters in life.

I know this is a stupid post and I know that I am guilty of everything that I have just discussed. We all are. And sometimes, if we just say it outloud, or write it we realize how unimportant the things that are bothering us are.

I cannot change the past and I cannot plan the future. I can life for the moment and take the things that come my way one little step at a time.

Keep clam and carry on - it really is what it's all about.

KO

You see, I have this friend. I call her Kiersten, or Kierst. Some people call her KO, which is a pretty cute nickname if you ask me.

She is my best friend. I'm not talking as in we just call each other best friends, but she is a true blood best friend. She knows more about me then anyone else on this entire earth. Like, I don't think there is a single thing that I would feel uncomfortable telling her about. Like, she knows a lot ;)

Honestly, I'm surprised we don't have a secret handshake or a made up language that only we can speak in. We're tight; tighter then spandex. I think we'll be friends forever. Like that one friend that you keep in touch with for your entire life. Or the one friend that you feel like you were best friends with before you came to earth. Yep, pretty sure KO is that person.

Today we went to Kiwi Loco (frozen yogurt place here in the Rexburg) and we talked. We talked for a long time about things that you normally shouldn't talk about in public. And we talked about crappy ex-boyfriends who never deserved us ;) Or past roommates who you would pray to never have to live with again. Or our many inside jokes that never seem to cease because we come up with new ones practically every time we're together. There is also the fact that she has never eaten as much fast food in her life until she lived with me.

So, KO, I know you're reading this. (You blog stalker) And I want you to know how much I love you! I'm also super duper grateful to have you in my life. You're awesome and don't ever change. And I won't change either... I'll just stay super judgmental and outspoken. It what I do best, you know.

I love you KIERSTEN. You're the love of my life. Let's get married and live together forever. (Cause now we can legally be married in New York)

No one will ever be as awesome as us :)